I'll hop right to it. Transitioning from a full time career working adult to a stay at home mom or Domestic Engineer as I like to to call it, is HARD! Having toddlers is hard too (we'll discuss that later) but losing part of your identity is difficult.
I dread social environments where small talk and introductions are a requirement. No matter where you live or what event it is they're all the same. If you're like me you head straight to wherever the libations are and when the host says "can I get you a drink" on the inside your yelling YES! However, you answer with a "sure I'll take whatever you have." Then, after you've taken your first two sips here comes professional patty one and two introducing themselves. The three of you exchange pleasantries about the weather or something no one cares about and then they hit you with..."so what do you do." Who knew five words could be so much of a trigger for me. I used to be able to confidently answer this question with no problem and proudly. Now, not so much. The question isn't even the worst part. After I answer that I'm a stay at home mom the response is the real kick in the ass. It's always the same.."Oh that's the hardest job on the planet." That patronizing response from women who get paid for their jobs is a hard pill to swallow. We know its the hardest job...but it still doesn't make it suck any less that we don't get a check for it. Maybe you baking betties out there like working for free, but I miss getting a check with my name on it.
It always seems like after that exchange they no longer have a real interest in continuing the conversation. I've found myself feeding into the insecurity and talking about what I used to do to make myself feel relevant again. The reality is, it's not the same and it's not part of the current season I'm in now. I haven't figured out who Brittney is outside of the family just yet, but I'm working on it. Wanting more for myself outside of my family doesn't make me less of a mother and wife. I've also had to sit in the space of not knowing what's next and be ok with that as well.
The takeaway is this...it's ok to grieve the life and identity you had before kids. It's also ok to take the time to relearn what the identity looks like in addition to kids. However, if being a stay at home mom is satisfying to you, rest in that. I also feel like we should be able to go back and forth based on the needs of the family at the time. For me, I love being available for my kids, but I also would like to begin exploring who I am outside of them.
What are your thoughts on these transitions?
Cheers to the next season!
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